Missing Relative Found!

(As you read this, please superimpose the voice of Forrest Gump)

I'm so happy! A missing relative of mine has been found! We have been searchin' and searchin' for him for years and due to some really smart people, he was discovered this past week!
Now I know he is funny looking. In fact, he kinda looks like a lizard or iguana or something. And I know he's old...they say 47 million years old, but don't hold that against him.

I also know that he is reptilian. Those smart people say that he was my 45,874 times great grandpa and that he IS the missing link between monkeys and me! Never mind, I guess, that usually reptiles begat reptiles, even lizards begat lizards, and iguana begat iguanas. I guess it doesn't matter that it has never been observed that mammals would jump out of classification and become reptiles or vice versa (which violates the little rules about being observable in the scientific method). But them smart people tell me that "missing link" is my 45,874 times great grandpa.

I wonder where he came from? Oh yeah. The smart people say his 45,874 times great grandpa
wiggled out of a puddle of water and was struck by lightening and came alive! Ouch! I bet somebody went from saying "You don't got no legs," to "Legs! You got legs!" I don't guess it matters that this idea violates the simple experiment of Louis Pastuer when he proved that life cannot arise from non-life. I suppose life is like a bolt of lightening...you never know when you're gonna get hit!

Funny, it seems that grandpa lizard (missing link) would surely have been less advanced than grandpa monkey. Yet the smart people have put grandpa lizard IN BETWEEN grandpa monkey and me. That makes me want to go mowing or running or something.

Another thing, if I and grandpa lizard came from grandpa monkey, why are there still monkeys?
Maybe the smart people will tell us one day.

By the way, I write this from mental hospital. I simply went to the Lufkin Zoo and tried to have a family reunion and picnic with all my grandpas, and now I am in this big, white, padded room.
I may not be a smart man, but I know what creation is.